


And I'm from the United States of suck my --

by Anonymous



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Politics, F/M, First Meetings, M/M, Meet-Cute, Vaguely 'West Wing' AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24018760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Working at the White House, BJ Hunnicutt quickly discovers, is actually nothing like working for a fifth-term congressman.Turns out, that's mostly to do with his new co-workers.
Kudos: 3
Collections: Anonymous





	And I'm from the United States of suck my --

BJ raps his knuckles softly against the half-open door, glancing at the name plate affixed to the hollow core wood paneling:  _ B.F. Pierce. _   
  
The dark-haired man at the desk -- presumably B.F. Pierce -- doesn't look up from his laptop, just drawls, "If you want your ego stroked, you've come to the wrong person."   
  
"Thanks for the heads up, but I took care of that in the mirror this morning while I was brushing my teeth."   
  
"Kellye!" B.F. shouts, craning his neck to peer past BJ, "Who is this man and why is he standing in my doorway?"   
  
The passing secretary who'd pointed BJ towards this door in the first place clamps a hand over her Bluetooth earpiece as she leans around the door frame. "He's the new Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations. Honey... something."   
  
"Thank you, Kel; that was very informative!" B.F. calls to her retreating back, unable to see the jaunty wave she gives him without turning around. "Hi," he adds, lowering the brightness on his computer with a few quick keystrokes. "Come on in, Honey. Take a seat, take a load off, c'mon."   
  
"It's uh, it's Hunnicutt, actually," BJ says, smoothing down his tie and the ID lanyard he'd been handed earlier that morning. "Two N's, two T's, and two U's, but not right next to each other. BJ Hunnicutt."   
  
"Oh!" Recognition dawns on B.F.'s face. "Right! Shit! No, of course; I thought you couldn't start until the 24th."   
  
BJ shrugs. "Got out early for good behavior."   
  
"Right, of course," B.F. mutters, more to himself than anyone else. "This is -- yeah, this is great; less time to play catch-up. I'm Hawkeye," he adds, offering his hand which BJ takes and shakes on autopilot.   
  
"Hawkeye?"   
  
"Let me have it," he laughs, spreading his arms wide in surrender. "I've heard 'em all.  _ Yes _ , like the depressed and maligned comic book archer;  _ yes _ , like Daniel Day-Lewis in that godawful nineties movie."

BJ chuckles. "And here I was ready to defend myself against the inevitable quips about  _ my _ name, but I think your routine's got mine beat."   
  
Pierce doesn't miss a beat. "Hard to defend against  _ 'BJ' _ ; that sort of thing kinda speaks for itself."   
  
It's a split second decision, weighing the lengthy list of cons against a Post-It note's worth of pros, but it feels like a year before BJ hears himself say, "Oh, I dunno. It can be a bit of a mouthful."   
  
"Listen," B.F. --  _ Hawkeye _ \-- grins, keen eyes dialed in on BJ. "I know you don't need your ego stroked by the likes of me. But if you want your cock stroked, I get off at eight and you can get off around eight-ten. Sound alright?"

"Sounds like a very thorough orientation."

"We're the government," Hawkeye says with a somewhat manic twinkle in his eye. "We fuck the American people on a daily basis. No reason we shouldn't hold a little bit back for ourselves."

**Author's Note:**

> Someday I'll finish my "all the things Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn did/said that pinged my gaydar" series, but today is not that day.


End file.
